Goodness me it's been a while.

You'll dance to anything.

Looking forward enormously to this bank holiday. Spending the weekend in the company of my brother and sister, am anticipating diverse drinking, eating and dancing scenarios.
I've been dancing and singing to lots of lovely and fabulous songs this evening while I've beeen cooking. And drinking gin!
Hey hey we are a hurricane.
TTFN, got a life to live.

Lard.

As I sit here typing away I am sipping, note cunning use of euphemism, at a Martini. This is because today I have been surrounded by morons and fuckwits. I'd like to tell you about some of my fabulous life and all the fabulous and very stylish stuff I have been experiencing, all the items off someone else's bucket list I have ticked off but it's been a bit shit lately. I had to miss Korn for a start because of illness, first time ever.
However one ray of light is that two dolts have repinned my picture of lard on Pinterest.

                                                                                                                     
















Published by the Lard Information Council. This was closely linked to the long lost Knitted Swimwear Council.

I for one miss both these organisations, life is not the same.

The sound of silence

Mouse most probably has dementia, she has been helping me a bit earlier with some typing and by hiding behind the printer. Thank-you Mouse you dopey little animal.
The last three days I have been effectively silenced by an acute case of laryngitis. This has gone down quite well with some of my acquaintances but has made yelling at morons and expressing myself quite tricky. People have been looking at me with pity and as if I am a little bit strange but I find when mouthed carefully enough "Motherfucker" is pretty easy to understand. I am worried that I may never sing the Ryeford national anthem again.
However it's easy enough to bollock someone via text message, now if only I had everyone's mobile number it would all be fine.

This was supposed to be a picture of Mouse but it's a picture of my fridge, I seem to have rather a lot of butter.

Dull

All I can say is that this must be the least interesting Pinterest pin ever. Fas-fucking-nating.
Someone was so enthralled with their stainless steel cookery bookstand they pinned it. i have an urge to put a gardening book on it, I reckon their lives would fall apart.
I may start a new board called Dull, it will be full in a trice.

I don't wish to seem rude but maybe grandpa made this. "I know, I'll glue a lampshade to a stick, that'll look stylish."

Red Letter Day.

 Here are some turds that were polished earlier.
Quite obviously they are the turds of a person with a serious addiction to Polo mints or ring donuts but they polished them and arranged them nicely, bless them.

Glitter.

You can't polish a turd but you can cover it in glitter. This is certainly food for thought, I may have to re-name my blog now.
Unfortunately I will not be able to swim in the fountain this weekend because it isn't full enough and some ducks have taken up residence in it. I can handle swimming with frogs but a couple of horny ducks is an entirely different matter so I shall have to find other leisure pursuits. Today I am amusing myself by cleaning the bathrooms and cooking various items and preparing for a little celebration later that may involve alcohol and dangerous cheese.



Going to make some of these too!

Nom nom